Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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