we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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