Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
