A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
