You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Randomize
