wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize