My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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