Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
