I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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