Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
