i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
