First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
