The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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