I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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