he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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