I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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