I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
