If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
