I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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