so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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