So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
