Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
