Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
