first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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