That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
