hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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