Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize