What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
