there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
