Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm getting married
To pizza
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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