I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
