It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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