i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
