My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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