Your dad touched me again.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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