i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
