I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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