Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
