I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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