am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
