best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize