Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
