cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
