i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
