i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
