I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
