obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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