i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
