worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize