really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Randomize
