Girls should come with a carfax report
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
