so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
