Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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