I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
