I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
