I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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