I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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