you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
