You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize