So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
