but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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