Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
