so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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