The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize