Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize