I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
