it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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