You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
