his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
