I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
