You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
