she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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