remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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