I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
