you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
