Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
