YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
