He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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