The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
