I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
